August 2019

In today’s VETgirl online veterinary continuing education blog, VETgirl’s Chief Happiness Officer, Jeannine Moga, MA, MSW, LCSW reviews the importance of creating connection and social wellness in veterinary medicine as part of a support network for wellness.

Who’s got your back? Connection and Social Wellness with Jeannine Moga

At the beginning of my career as a therapist, I was advised by a mentor to identify at least two “witnesses” who could listen to the ugliest stories (about myself and the work) without judging them, minimizing them, or leaping in to fix them. These witnesses, he said, should be willing to take a call from me at a moment’s notice with a commitment to drop what they’re doing, listen, and then provide compassionate support. Find two or three of them, he implored, and keep them on speed dial if you want to maintain your sense of wellbeing over the course of the long career ahead of you. This piece of advice was undoubtedly the best I have ever received. I did identify those witnesses, and I still keep them close by. I came to think of them as the people who will reliably show up for me, even in a proverbial shit storm. They neither recoil from ugly truths nor judge me when I’m at my worst. They are part of a critical safety net for me in work and in life, both of which can be chaotic, overwhelming, and occasionally lonely.

On a broader level, it can be useful to remember that all humans (even introverts) are social creatures. We are, in fact, wired to connect — and these connections are critical to our survival. When I say “connections,” I don’t mean the kind we cultivate via social media. Instead, I mean the kind that come from face to face, hand to hand exchange… the kind that comes from sharing more than a snippet of information. Social connections don’t have to be deep or intimate to enable us to connect in an authentic and emotionally protective way. In fact, research also shows that stable social connections – both at work and at home –buffer stress and improve our ability to accurately assess (and then tackle) challenges. You see, connection makes us feel safe in the storm; connections mean we have a safety net of others on whom we can depend. In a modern society where many people are chronically “wired and tired,” we can all benefit from a bit more attention to our shared humanity.

connection, self-wellness, Jeannine Moga, CHO, Chief Happiness Officer, neighor

Years ago, when I was new transplant to urban Minnesota, a neighbor walked over to introduce himself when he saw me installing a new lock on my front door. I’m a painfully shy introvert, so I tried to keep this interaction short and cordial. As I slowly got to know him and his family, interactions often revolved around borrowing tools or sharing part of the backyard harvest – small acts of kindness and connection. We were not close friends, we did not speak frequently, but there was always a wave from the yard or a weekly check in during hockey season (especially when my team, the Flyers, was in town for a battle with his hometown favorites). This is fine and good, but how does this relate to the importance of connection?

I had a voicemail one morning from Ron, that neighbor, saying that he’d been up late the night before when he noticed the lights on in my house. He was checking, he said, to make sure I was safe because 3:00 a.m. lights were not a normal occurrence. On the face of things, this felt a little invasive – who would ask such a thing? But in reality, I was relieved that someone was paying attention. I had been up all night with a sick dog at the end of her life. I was exhausted and heartbroken. I felt alone… and yet, I wasn’t. Someone was keeping an eye out for me, just because I was part of the neighborhood (“and that’s just what we do around here,” he later said). He didn’t have to understand it, or debrief it, or bring over a condolence card. He just had to care enough to check in. And it’s connection that makes this possible.

I don’t live in that neighborhood anymore. I’ve been gone for a long time, having traded blizzards for hurricanes many years ago, but I still get an occasional text message from Ron. He sent me a text out of the blue last year when my hockey team was beaten handily by his hockey team. He asked about how things were going, and I disclosed that I’d not been watching much hockey because my dad had been very ill and passed away recently. Ron responded with warmth and kindness, and I was incredibly grateful for that moment of connection.

Safety nets don’t have to be large to catch you. Create them however you can.

  1. Ian Frye says:

    This was a little bit of affirmation that I needed, thank you for putting this together. I have been active military for a few years now and I moved around a lot for work and school for many years before that, so it’s been a while since I had close friends nearby. I do have a couple of friends from vet school with whom I feel closer than almost anyone else I know, though, and the three of us are always ready to support each other unconditionally from afar if anything happens. They’re a big part of the reason I’ve been able to keep pushing through and making it past the beginning stages of professional and adult life. I hope that everyone has something like that when they really need it.

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